Report From The Other Side
Of the calendar, that is.
Well, I’m old now. There are some polls showing that people think middle age continues through age 65 or even beyond, but who are they kidding? First, nobody lives to 130. Second, can you be both middle-aged and also Medicare-eligible? Seems like a stretch.
Of course, people may feel that way because folks are having children later, which means grandchildren later. And since older generations live longer, it’s entirely possible to be at an age where you’re both caring for children and for older parents. In the middle, so to speak. I’m spending a fair amount of time, with my siblings, caregiving for my mom, who’s sadly slipping gradually into dementia. (She couldn’t make the Bix festival this year, and it was her sad decision that that’s the case. She did remember my birthday, though!) My daughter is independent and married now, but we do provide some quasi-parental resources to various nieces and nephews whose parents aren’t in a position to, say, buy them a car when their old one dies.
How do I feel about it? I dunno, to be honest. Starting a few years ago, I became aware that I was moving into the final period of my life, when I had to really think about whether a particular project – a book, say – was worth investing some of the limited number of professional years I have left.
I don’t have a retirement date – my daughter’s academic in-laws are both teaching and writing full time in their late 70s, which is a good role model – but people have started asking me constantly if I’m retired or retiring soon, which I find a bit annoying. A neighbor who asked responded to my vague annoyance by saying that as a physician of about my age, most of his colleagues had already retired. Of my colleagues who have retired recently, one is delightedly hiking all over the southwest with his wife; the other now kind of wishes she had stuck around. I’d probably be more like the latter.
I could be perfectly happy retired, which would basically involve only working my three or four other jobs, but I like teaching, I like writing, and I like the students. Why quit? I’m pretty sure I’d miss it.
My health seems fine, I feel fine, in some ways I’m stronger, leaner, and more muscular than I’ve been in my adult life, which is basically the result of going to the gym regularly, watching my diet, and, sadly, drinking less. That could change overnight, of course, as it can at any age (but more often does as you get older) but, you know, I don’t feel old. In fact, as I get older, my bodyfat has moved to my midsection. That’s more visceral fat — inside the belly, which is why old men will claim a six pack even when it sits on top of a paunch — but at least my shoulders and arms look better in a tank top! It’s also been a reason to tighten up my diet, because I hate to have a gut.
My traditional pre-birthday gym picture, taken last week.
I guess the biggest thing to me is that 20 years ago I was 45. It wasn’t that long – heck, I was already blogging then, and had been for a while – and what’s troubling about that is that in 20 more years I’ll be 85. Nobody is arguing that 85 is middle aged. My mother just turned 86, and despite being quite athletic all her life is now quite frail, and having memory problems. My father didn’t make it to 80, though his health habits were anything but exemplary.
My family has given me a delightful birthday week. They took me to Miami last weekend, where we went salsa dancing, hung out by the beach and the pool, and ate Cuban food, Korean BBQ, and seafood. I returned feeling relaxed and happy. Since there’s no choice about getting older, I intend to make the best of it. Preferably with beach time and Korean BBQ.
Anyway, after time off for birthdays and the start of school, I’m back! This and the blog are probably the last things I’ll retire from. I appreciate y’all staying around for the ride.
[As always, if you enjoy these essays, please take out a paid subscription. I’ll appreciate it very much!]
Achieving Medicare eligibility is a real shock; did that last year. I had to laugh at "...sadly, drinking less." I'm sorry to hear that happens to men, too.
I retired, reluctantly, at 59. My husband urged me to do it, as he'd been retired for years at that point. We had weathered three bouts with cancer between us, and I had watched my active, athletic mom deteriorate fast after she turned 75, so it seemed like a good decision. Now, six years on, I'm glad. My husband received another cancer diagnosis, a tough one. It is somewhat easier to bear knowing that we've gone all over the world during the past few years.
I also became a gym rat, after reading the Mark Ripptoe posts on the blog. Muscle mass is better than ever, even if the skin over them is crepey. At least I can hold my grandson upside down by his ankles.
As always, thanks for the daily encouragement.
First off, Happy Birthday. Second keep your brain working as well as your body. My now 90 year old husband is still keeping up with all the his science journals, perhaps just so he can complain how woke they are. Even though he has a short term memory problem there is no fish he can't identify, no oyster problem he can't solve, possibly because he has researched their disease for almost 70 years now, and no greenie science he cannot disprove. Keep your brain active,it will serve you well. I remember your first blogs, and have been following all that time. My brain has been active too, my body not so much. But good luck on keeping both your brain and body active, Your perspective is always good to read.